Women’s Checkup.

Okay, so a couple of things… does anyone else feel like their doctor suddenly knows EVERYTHING about your sex life after a pap smear? Anyone between your legs, I feel knows your story; or pretty darn close. They say your eyes are windows to the soul. I say your flower reveals your personal intimate “care”. I had the same male doc for 13 years – women checkups, not a big deal, he also knew my history. With my new female doc, it was a bit awkward. I know they don’t judge, but I swear, they are able to come up with “conclusions”.
Ok, prob TMI. But seriously, I feel like they “know things” after. Just saying.
Next thing. Who knew ultrasounds are now “inserted” for better vaginal examination?? Or that they even can be inserted? That explains the waaay cooler baby imaging moms have during pregnancy. She figured, I had never given birth, so she thought dropping that piece of info was important. Heck ya! I was like, “What”?? The very obvious facial expression only confirmed her assumption.
You may be asking, where is this crazy girl going with this post…
I don’t remember my last period. Seriously, between all the birth control pills and Nexplanon in my arm, who knows… it had been at least 4 years my doc and I concluded simply due to the Nexplanon timeline, but more like 6 to 10 we agreed. When she started to explain that it was something I should be actually concerned with, I started thinking, uh oh. Being bi-polar, every period was a psychotic breakdown; humongous trigger. I got moody about 3-4 days before, the pain was unbearable during the 6-7 days it lasted (heavy bleeding the first few days), and then my body needed a couple days after to recover from the crazy. Not to mention that I would have a period every other week, or maybe every so many months, or who knew really. Birth control packs have that one week where you take sugar pills, right? You’re supposed to have a period during that time. I never did. It had been happening from the beginning and I thought, “Okay… odd”. Didn’t spend a whole lot of time dwelling on it.
There was this one time I had signed up and paid for a beginners ice climbing trip on a glacier on Mt. Hood in Oregon. I had bled for about a month, stopped for about a week or so, but then had been bleeding for the past 6 weeks prior to the trip; still, I didn’t want to miss out on the definite adventure. I went. I was lethargic and lacked energy and strength (not to mention the glacier had been melting and had crept further up the mountain extending our hiking time significantly); even took a shortfall while I was trying to button up my pants after relieving myself. Yes, I was embarrassed. How could you not be? Now, my legs/knees were bleeding. It was a painful descent. After the day came to an end, I knew I couldn’t go the second day. I needed to come forth. They were really concerned that I was anemic at that point and told me I couldn’t go if I even if wanted too. Fortunately, there was a doctor, chiropractor and a search and rescue person on the trip. In reality, most didn’t want to go because the hike to the crevice was so long.
Back to my current predicament. About 5 years ago, I thought I was going to lose my insurance at one point, so I thought a more permanent solution would be to get an implant of some sort. I researched the ones that were placed in the uterus area (I think that’s where they are stationed). There was a slim chance it could move into the lining (possibly tearing it), and I didn’t want that to happen; even though it was rare. Still, I had a few friends that hated it, got lower back pain, sick, nauseated, etc. I skipped that idea. My doc introduced Nexplanon and was told that the hormones had a faster chance of hitting my blood stream and that it was a quick procedure; they just injected it into your arm (which couldn’t be closer to the truth). I was informed that initially, these types of birth control were not created to eliminate your period. In fact, it is technically a side effect of these types of birth controls. I hoped I would not get a period or significant weight gain. Science showed that some would continue to have periods, others spotting, and others, elimination! I was one of the lucky ones.
If was injected. Terrific! Shockingly, the first 2 months, maybe 3, I was an emotional disaster. Hormones had gone bat $hit crazy. I cried, screamed, yelled, freaked out, cried more, was up and down, all over. It was so bad, I had dreams of cutting it out of my arm. I must have called him a half dozen times that first month (which seemed like an eternity), to take it out. He said to be patient; my body hadn’t had a chance to let it do its thing. Brutal. Absolutely brutal. I didn’t see any of those symptoms listed in the possible adverse reactions anywhere.
Then, one day, the symptoms disappeared. It has been heaven ever since. They are good for 3 years, which I thought was a positive thing. I don’t believe foreign objects should be in your body for 5, 10, 20 years. Another reason, I opted for the Nexplanon. Three years came and went. I was due for another. Honestly, I was petrified. I couldn’t go through that nightmare again. The doctor let me know that since it was already in my body, there would be little noticeable transition. I did think that maybe it would be a good idea to let my body have a period, but fear won out. Who knows if my body would have even had a period? It’s been maybe a year and a half into my second.
My body has been transitioning indefinitely I feel. I’ve been having night sweats and heat flashes since my late twenties, early 30’s. Before I left my last doctor, I mentioned that my body was having the symptoms of a period, without real bleeding; which it couldn’t do on the birth control obviously. He had commented that maybe we should re-examine the advantages and disadvantages of the continued use of birth control. Unfortunately, I didn’t see him again. It would be about 2 years before I saw my next doctor, which was, ironically, yesterday. lol.
I gave her a brief recap of the aforementioned. I expressed my concern of eliminating birth control due to the adverse effect it had my stability of being bi-polar. I shared that starting two new businesses the past several years was a major stress factor and involved lots of coping and clonazepam (later became addicted; another story for another time). I knew that as part of the regime of taking my medications, I needed to exercise. A lot. Which I loved anyway. Being an adrenaline junkie, I took that in stride. But, the businesses took their toll, and I couldn’t get the stress out of the body like I needed to. Furthermore, around 35 I was dropped by my belayer in a rock climbing incident. It was about 25 feet up when the ledge I stood on, broke off. I landed flat on my back on the dirt floor (about a 1.5-year healing process). I also got frozen shoulder (which took over a year to get back to normal functioning; it stills acts up from time to time) from rugby when I was about 39 (I started playing at 36. By the way, it is by far one of the best sports in the world, but my stupidity caused the injury. Just a quick brag. I scored in a 7’s game, a for fun match, and yep, even a league game! A proud moment. We are in a nationally ranked, competitive league. When I walked onto the team, I had never even seen one game.
The past couple years have been years of recuperation. It has been a real struggle to deal with the weight gain, war zone on my face, decrease in my physical health, and mental depression of life failure (I had four auto accidents in the last year and a half (I totaled 2 vehicles; shouldn’t have lived through one, yet walked away). Technically had 1 reckless ticket, 2 DUI’s (not alcohol or illegal drugs) and a couple of speeding tickets. Before each of them, I was able to get the previous one dismissed. As a result, they thought it had been my first incident and I received leniency. You can ask later. Okay, moral of this paragraph, my health had been deteriorating and the medications needed to be re-evaluated (especially since I had been suspended from driving in Oregon; but not really since I had got my doctor’s evaluation sent in and it was overturned).
These are some things that helped me decide to get my physical life checked out. Besides seeing the doctors a few weeks ago when I thought I was going to die with my 102.5 fever, there I was again waiting in the lobby. When I admit that I don’t feel good, it’s a huge warning sign that I’M not doing good.
I’m getting a blood workup, ultrasounds and seeing an actual obgyn in a few weeks. After which we will conclude as what to do with the situation at hand.
Note. You should never go many, many years without a period. Very bad thing. And if you’re not on birth control and don’t have a period for like 6-8 months, also a bad thing. For the record, I never thought it was a good thing. I did actually think it was a bad thing, but I couldn’t figure out to have a period without disturbing my body’s homeostasis. My body has been clearly letting me know that it isn’t doing so good. I’ve put on 25-30 lbs the past month or so. It also is screaming it want’s a period. It’s having one anyway, with spotting (which never happened prior to the past few months). I would like a nice good cleaning as well.

In the beginning…

This blog was an impulsive idea to keep track of my progress of getting my body back to the way it was when I was living the life of being in great shape. The way I felt about my outward self had been governing whether or not I was generally happy, and my ability to cope with life’s ups and downs. As I realized my battle with body homeostasis wasn’t just about quickly losing pounds, I had to step back to really figure out the innerworkings my body.

My overall well-being has other direct elements that should be identified. As an older women, my body has been changing. I’ve been on prescription meds since I was 23, and allergic to all trees, grasses and plants in the Northwest. Health living and inner peace takes into account all aspects of ones self.

I’m an over communicator, a story teller and rambler. I can be overly sarcastic and brutally honest. It’s just how I am. A friend told me once, that I could literally carry on a conversation with a leaf (we were hiking at the time and she pointed to a yellow one on the ground).

I’m extremely hard on myself. This past two years, I’ve been consumed with my body image and decreased activity level; injuries have been a contributing factor. I swear I have early onset Alzheimer’s, going blind and smell like a stuffy room that needs fresh air! I self inflict constant pressure to look my best anywhere there is a gathering of people. Since I haven’t been “looking great”, I have shied away from events and camaraderie. I’m also getting older. That’s just life. In my latter 30’s, I noticed how long it was taking me to heal from injuries; and my recovery time after a night of partying, now took several days.

What I am about to share, is how I’m kick-starting my body. Body rejuvenation at 40. I’m not actually 40, I’m 41.5…. but, the blog title wouldn’t sound as cool.

Maybe you’ll find these posts insightful, or maybe not. You may find them ridiculous, boring, redundant of other blogs. If not a single soul reads this, at least I get a place to write down my thoughts (for $4 a month).

Thanks for joining me on my “journey to happiness and learning”. Cliche? I know.

“Do or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda

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